Hi, my name is Jaime Lynn Debono. Being born with Tetrology of Fallot, I was given a different path in life. My journey included open heart surgery when I was 19 months old, two angioplasties at ages seven and nine, as well as routine cardiology appointments.
An hour after my second surgery, complications arose and I was an on the spot emergency. My femoral artery ruptured and the rate in which I was losing blood was deadly, I had an immediate transfusion as well as an out of body experience; my life could have ended that night. This night was the beginning of my spiritual journey. Through surgeries, doctors visits, medical exams and everyday activities;my mother never left my side.
It was because of her support and unconditional love, that I am the woman I am today. She taught me that no situation is too difficult to overcome, that being positive isn’t just a thought process; it’s a way of life, and lastly, that no one should ever be alone in a time of need.
This is why Imperfectly Perfect is necessary. Not everyone in life is fortunate enough to have the mother or support I had growing up. With Imperfectly Perfect, no one will ever feel alone because we are there for everyone. We operate as a family, and teach each other how to Incorporate a little Positive into life.
I created Imperfectly Perfect, because the one thing I have realized due to my experiences in the last 23 years of my life, is that without the support system that I had growing up…I don’t think I would be where I am today. I want to use my experience, and help children because I was the little girl who people were mean to, who got teased, bullied, I felt alone and I turned all my hardships into something positive.
I don’t want anyone to be in my position, and let it define who they are. You can do anything you want to in life, you just need to have the right support. I think the world needs to change the way they think, and really care about each other more. This revolution is going to start with Imperfectly Perfect.
When I was born, I was the beautiful baby girl my mother had always dreamed of. It wasn’t till three months later during a regular doctor’s visit, that my primary care doctor heard a murmur. With this, he sent me to a pediatric cardiologist named Doctor Rubin Cooper.
After visiting Doctor Cooper, and being diagnosed with a murmur, I was sent for an angiogram in May of 1989 at 15 months old. Once the results from the angiogram came in, and after many doctors deciding the correct path for me, the results were as follows. I was diagnosed with Tetrology of Fallot which is a congenital heart defect which has four different defects in one.
These are; An overriding aorta, pulmonary stenosis, ventricular septal defect, and pulmonary hypertrophy. The doctors informed my parents that I needed Open Heart surgery in order to correct this problem. Originally, the doctors wanted to wait till I was between three and five years old, my mothers response to this was, “No! This is a complicated surgery and I want to get it over with. God for bid anything happens, I don’t want to love her anymore than I already do”
Since the minimum weight a child can be for this surgery is 18 lbs, I had four months, to gain three lbs…my mom told Dr. Cooper to schedule the surgery for September, that she would have me at the appropriate weight. Sure enough, three ½ months later, to the doctors surprise, I weighed 18 lbs and was able to go through my biggest surgery to date.
My open heart surgery was done at North Shore Hospital, in Plainview. The surgery took eight hours to complete, and during this surgery my heart had to be stopped in order for them to work on it. A machine was keeping me alive. The reason why this is so important is because from a spiritual point of view…during this surgery, my soul had gone “home” or to heaven as most people call it. Which, I will later find out is why I do not have a difficult time sensing energies, or being connected with this higher power.
After the surgery, once I was stitched up, complications arose and they had to re-open my chest. This left me with a round top of my scar, as to a straight one. Luckily, everything was alright, and I was brought into the recovery room. Now I think back, and I cannot imagine how my mother felt looking at her youngest child hooked up to tube, after tube. Breathing tubes, drains for blood, an IV, and Electrocardiogram leads, with monitors making noise, and a feeding tube down my nose.
I had to stay in the hospital for two weeks. My mom stayed close by at a house, which was found through the Heart to Heart program. This allowed her to stay close while I was in the intensive care. During this time, she met a Nun named, Sister Dorothy. She became my moms strength through this time. Finally, when I was released from the hospital, my mom was instructed that due to the wires in my chest, stitches, and staples- that she had to be very careful with me because if I fell, or got hurt, there was a possibility of me seriously hurting myself. So, for that next year, I was either in mom’s arms, or she was holding my hands. She eliminated the chance of me falling, by never letting me go.
Once my heart was fixed, I was able to live a normal life. The other restrictions I had, were no contact sports in gym…which I didn’t seem to mind at all. Gym, for the next 14 years of my life, became a free period!
The relationship my mother and I have due to this experience, has transformed both of us. Being thrown into such a life threatening situation so early in life, my mom was who I depended on…she was and still is, my everything. It wasn’t until I was seven years old, that we got the news from my cardiologist, that I would be requiring another surgery. My pulmonary arteries, which brings deoxygenated blood to the lungs, were very narrow. Due to this, I had to have a stent placed in my right pulmonary artery, in order to give the artery strength and increase blood flow through it.
I remember I came home from school one day, I was in third grade at the time, and my mom said to me “I have good news, and bad news” She went on to inform me that the bad news, was that I will not be in school for at least two weeks. The good news, was that I was spending the entire week with mom! For the next week, I stayed home, getting my body strong and avoiding any risks of infections or germs. In order to get this surgery, I had to be healthy.
I remember being scared, because I kept thinking, what if I die? What if something goes wrong with this surgery, and I don’t make it out alive? Luckily, I was able to voice my worries to my mom, who always comforted me. She would tell me not to worry because if it is my time to go, then I would go regardless of this surgery. Everything happens for a reason she would tell me.
The following week, my parents and I flew up to Boston Children’s Hospital. We flew here, because it was one of the only hospitals which were stenting children, by going through the femoral artery in their groin. Dr. Cooper flew up to watch the surgery, and to take care of his favorite patient of course! The first day we arrived at Boston, we got settled, because the following day was full of tests to clear me for this surgery. Once again, my mother held my hand through it all. If I was laying down getting an Electrocardiogram, my mother was tickling my legs. If I was sitting up getting the doctor listen to my heart, my mother was holding my hand. She was with me through everything.
The morning of the surgery, we showed up nice and early at the hospital. Once again, my mother was so affectionate with me, holding my hand every step of the way. The hospital staff was very sweet, and made me feel very comfortable. I remember before going into surgery, I was sitting in my gown on a hospital bed in the pre-op room, watching the Wizard of Oz, still getting my legs tickled by my mom. She told me that she would be with me the entire surgery, and put a stuffed animal from when she was a child, in my blanket with me. She kissed my forehead, and told me that when I wake up, it will all be over with. That being said, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep….
Looking back on this now, I cant imagine the courage my mom had that day. This was the second time in her life, that she was putting her little girl’s life in the hands of doctors, and of God. This was the second time in her life, that she had to say goodbye to me, and hope for the best. This time since I was older, she had to keep it together, for my sake. Her strength brings tears to my eyes.
After surgery, my mother was right. It was as if I went to sleep, and woke up in the recovery room and once again, my mother was holding my hand. The way this surgery is performed, is that they make an incision directly into your femoral artery, and insert the equipment from your groin, to your heart.
Since the incision is directly into your artery, this means they cannot stitch the opening. Instead, they give the patient enough medicine, to stay sedated for roughly eight hours. During these eight hours, your body naturally heels the opening. Shortly after surgery when I returned to my room, I opened my eyes and turned my head to my right to see my mother sitting against the room wall reading. She looked at me as I used my right pointer finger to direct her to come over to my bed. Once she arrived and put her ear to my mouth, I informed her that I think I went to the bathroom. Upon saying this, I closed my eyes and drifted off to die.
Once my eyes closed, my mother began to take off the many heavy blankets which were covering me to keep me warm, only to reveal to her that I was lying in a pool of my own blood. The sheets, and bed were soaked in more than half of my blood and with every beat of my heart, my blood flew across the room…I was dying before my mothers eyes. She raced to get the nurse, and I was an on the spot emergency. There were sirens going off and lights flashing because time was of the essence. In another 45 seconds, my body would be completely empty of all my blood.
After an immediate transfusion, where they took blood directly from my father, who sat in a chair to the left of me, and put it into my body as well as holding pressure on my bleeding artery…my body was stable…and my soul had returned home and back. I say this, because a few years later when I spoke in detail with my mom about what happened that night, she couldn’t believe I knew all the details of what happened while my eyes were closed. I knew every detail from the stool the nurse stood on to hold pressure on my leg, to the green curtains, to the location of the doctors and my parents, and everything else that happened, and this was because I had what people refer to as an out of body experience. After I told my mom I thought I went to the bathroom, my eyes did not return to open until I was stable.
Once I returned home after my incredible experience, I spoke to my mom because there was one question left unanswered which she had thought about since my incident. After my body was stable, the nurse approached my mother and asked her how she knew that my artery was bleeding. My mother replied, “she woke up and told me.” My mother would describe the nurses face as being extremely confused once my mother had responded that because the nurses next comment was, “I hope you believe in Angels Mrs. Debono because it is medically impossible for Jaime to have woken up with all the medication she was on.” This is why when I returned home, my mother had to ask me how I woke up.
That day in the hospital, before I had woken up to my mother reading, I was given a message. I can close my eyes and see everything all over again, as if it was yesterday. I saw the bright light, I felt this amazing euphoric feeling, and I was greeted by an older woman who informed me, not to worry- that everything would be ok. She told me to wake up, and get my mother. Once I had told my mother this, she couldn’t believe what I was saying. I think a part of her, might have thought I created this story in my head but a few years later she had the proof that she needed, to let her know it really happened.
A few years later, my mother had hung pictures on the wall of my house, so like anyone would, I looked at the pictures once they were hung up. To my amazement, one of the pictures was the woman who had woken me up years earlier. I turned to my mother and asked who this older woman was, to which she replied, “that’s my nanny.” I turned to her in my kitchen, and asked “did she have a pink nightgown with lace around the wrists and neck?” my mothers facial expression once I asked that, will be paved in my memory forever as well as her reply, “yes, that was her favorite nightgown” This woman who was hanging on my wall, was the same woman who had saved my life years earlier. My great grandmother, who I had never met.
We returned home a few days later, with a successful surgery behind me, as well as a bright, healthy future in front of me. I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have such a strong mother. I learned that when you are in a hospital, you must be persistent and proactive. You must take control, and see to your well being. This lesson has, and will, stay with me forever. My grandmother, brother, and sister were all waiting my arrival. It was amazing to come home to my family, who was waiting for me with hugs and kisses. Finally, my mom could relax.
Over the next two years, my relationship with my mom only got stronger. She was my best friend. It was evident, that I was most definitely- a mommy’s girl. I did not like sleeping out, I loved laying with her watching movies on the couch, she was the spark of my creativity by playing games with me all the time. She was such an amazing mother, that it was hard to ever leave her.
When I turned nine years old, I had to have another stent placed in my right pulmonary artery this time. Going into this surgery was scary because of what happened last time, but once again, my mother was right by my side. She was able to wash away all my worries, simply by being there for me, and speaking to me. I never had to hide anything I was feeling or thinking, which is why I think this third surgery was as easy as it was for me. Once again, my mother, father and I flew into Boston, and luckily, everything went as planned and I returned home a few days after.
This was my last surgery to date, but not the last of my experiences which have shaped me into who I have become.
One of my goals for IP, is to talk to children and have them understand about bullying, and how it needs to stop. I want to be the inspiration girls need in order to get the self confidence they deserve, and pay no attention to people who are mean to them. Luckily, my surgeries were over by the age of nine…but the difficulties which came with my condition were just starting. I say this because everyone knows that young children are the most accepting, innocent people in this earth, but around the age of 13, that changes. This changes because at 13 years old, children don’t understand about hurting others feelings, or what their words can do to someone else. Not a week went by that I wasn’t teased about the scar on my chest, or the birth mark on my chin.
It was with the strength and support of my mother, that got me through the horrible years of teasing, which made me into the person I am today. The confidence my mother instilled in me, and the love she gave to me, was enough to protect me from anything. I remember being younger, and hearing “people only say mean things because they are jealous” and although that is correct many times, I learned that it is not always the case. People are just mean. Another saying which bothered me, was “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. That’s also a lie, words can hurt. Especially at a young age.
Going through this constant teasing, only gave me a thicker skin. I learned that people don’t understand how powerful words are, until the words are directed towards them. I was the different person in school due to my scar, or my restricted privileges in gym, or even my constant absences. But then it hit me, so what? Who cares that I’m different. I rather be different, than like everyone else. I rather stand out, than blend in.
As I was growing up, the reasons why my mother was that support system to me instead of my parents, is that my father suffered from alcoholism until I was 18. I do have a bunch of memories of my dad from my childhood, but more times than not, he was MIA. It wasn’t until I was 18 years old, that my father was forced to go to rehab, and a month after that, I had my father back.
This experience impacted my life in multiple ways, some of which I didn’t realize until I was older. One way, being that I appreciate my Dad so much because I know what life was like without him. Over the last six years, my dad has become my best friend, which is something I never thought would be possible, let alone happen. Witnessing alcoholism, allowed me to understand that it is a disease which needs to be treated not just with doctors, but with family and love as well. If my family gave up on my dad, I might not have him today.
Due to my dad’s disease, I was able to learn how necessary support is, this time from a different point of view. My surgeries allowed me to get support, while my father’s disease allowed me to give support. I learned that no matter how hard times get, you cannot give up. The reason why you cannot give up, is because you don’t know exactly what you are giving up. If I lost my father to this disease, I would never have so many amazing memories with him in these past 6 years, I wouldn’t have that strong male figure in my life who is guiding me, my future children wouldn’t have a grandpa, and I would never understand the important relationship between a child and her father.
Even though my father’s alcoholism took him from me as a child, I wouldn’t take any of it back. I have such an appreciation for my father, more than any of my friends have, because they haven’t been in the position where that fatherly figure was missing; they don’t understand both sides of the spectrum.
Lastly, if it wasn’t for my father, Imperfectly Perfect would never have made it as far as it has. I say this because a few months ago, I was finishing up my undergraduate degree with the intentions to pursue a career as a Physicians Assistant.
This to me, made the most sense since it was a flourishing career, which I would be guaranteed success in. While I was shadowing Dr. Zachary E. Gerut, an amazing plastic surgeon on Long Island, my entire thought process changed. Dr. Gerut never knew it, but he had a hand in changing my life forever. Whenever he would ask me a question regarding the body, if I didnt know the answer right away, he would tell me to “Think. Everything makes sense.” I decided to apply this theory to my life. I always wondered why I have experienced certain in situations in life, and now I understood! To create IP!
In May of this year, 2011, I sat down with my father at the diner, and explained to him that being a PA was not my calling in life. It was not the work load, or the stress which comes with a medical profession, it was the fact that I wasn’t as passionate about the career itself as I should have been. I had an idea in my head which gave meaning to my life, an idea that consumed my thoughts, and my heart.
I explained to my dad, that I truly believe the only people in this world that make it, are the ones who take a leap of faith; who take the road less traveled. This made me very nervous though, I was leaving so much time in school behind, money, security; in order to follow my dreams. My dreams are to help people, to create a world where people get along because life is too short to not get along, I want to educate people on love, and energy, I want to be able to fund a life saving surgery and give life back to a family; I want to be the reason many people smile.
After this conversation with my dad, his response was simple; “ I support you; lets do it.” After I left the diner, I felt as if a 500 pound weight was lifted off my shoulders. I had the support I needed in order to follow my dreams.
Ok so surgery? Check! Supporting my father to get over his disease? Check! Broken Heart? Coming right up…
I never understood what some couples meant when they said that they loved each other from the second they met, until the night I met John. That night, my entire world changed forever, December 22nd, 2007. I came home that night, and told my mother I met my soul mate. My entire world seemed to make sense, from the presence of this complete stranger.
Long story short, my relationship with John lasted 2 years, until it ended over a petty argument one night in August. Needless to say, the argument escalated and our relationship was over. Months following the break up I struggled with so many emotions, that it was hard to keep track of. I drove myself crazy, and John as well. We went through the normal break up routine, of being hurtful to each other; causing jealousy; drunken texts, all that good stuff!
No matter what I did, John didn’t want anything to do with me. I lost my soul mate, and it was the worst experience of my life. I dug myself a hole and had no idea how to get out of it. Luckily, with the help of friends, and my family, and reflecting on myself; that I got out. It was losing someone I loved with all of my heart, which turned me into the person I am today.
Even though this break up, was by far the most emotional, sensitive, angry, heartbroken time of my life, I wouldn’t take it back for a second. The reason being; I learned from it. I learned not to speak when I’m angry because you cant take back the verbal hurt you cause someone, which is an easy concept to understand, but a lot harder to live by, especially when you are so hurt. I learned that in a relationship, you don’t need to be perfect; just perfect for each other.
I learned that a relationship is about compromise; that if your partner has something important to them; that should be equally as important to you. I learned what unconditionally loving someone is about; you accept everything about them, even their flaws. I learned what heart break felt like; because John was the only thing I wanted, and the only thing I couldn’t have.
People need to understand that there is no such thing as a coincidence in life, people are given circumstances because they have the ability and strength to overcome them, they have the ability to use their situation to impact others, and with every hard situation an individual overcomes they are able to incorporate a little positive into it as well.
I have many goals in creating this organization, one is to be the mom that I had to every person who needs a confidence boost. There is no reason why the kid in school, needs to feel insecure, or ashamed at the reason why they stand out. They need to embrace it and realize that the reason why they stand out isn’t a bad thing, it’s a blessing in disguise.
The reason why they stand out is the reason why they are stronger than everyone else, it’s the reason why they can sympathize better with other individuals, it’s the reason why they will never be the person to judge a book by its cover, it’s the reason why people will fall in love with them…there are so many other reasons to mention, but I will let the other people sharing their stories, demonstrate the rest.
My experience has also allowed me to have an understanding of spirituality. Many people believe in heaven, spirits, angels, a divine power…call it what you wish. My second surgery changed my belief, into a fact. I am lucky enough to have witnessed and experienced a situation that many people can only dream about. Knowing that there are other forces of energy out there, I like to call them Angels or spirits, allows me to deal with the world that much easier.
My grandmother was my best friend, and when she past five years ago, although it was hard on me, knowing that she was still around me- made it that much easier on me. Almost dying on my second surgery, gave me the knowledge I possess about the unseen world. This knowledge is something that I take with me daily, and I love being able to impact others with my experience. I am able to give people hope, and I can use my life’s story, to help others with their stories, which is what life is all about.
All of my experiences have shaped me into the woman I am; they were the blueprint for my personality, and I wouldn’t take any of them back.
I created Imperfectly Perfect, to help tweak the way the world views each other; and themselves. People need to start being proud of where they came from, where they are going; and who they are. Any situation in life, as long as you can learn from it; is a positive situation.
Jaime Lynn Debono – I.P. (CEO)
Imperfectly Perfect – Non-Profit Organization
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